for discretion's sake

The following story is true. Names have been changed to protect the innocent guilty.


I may have mentioned before that Mr. Baseball is the manager of a bank that happens to be inside a certain infamous super center that shall remain nameless. (Let me just say it's not even close to his dream job, but it pays the bills for now.) Fortunately the job is not without its - how shall I say this politely - "perks".

A woman (we'll call her "Miss Show-em-off") came into the bank yesterday with her 2 year-old daughter to open an account. One of Mr. Baseball's associates sat down at the desk and proceeded to help her. Since the bank is not large, Mr. Baseball could overhear the conversation and see exactly what was going on the whole time. He said that while Miss Show-em-off was seated, her little girl kept saying "Boob" and was attempting to get under her mother's shirt. Miss Show-em-off laughed it off and prevented her shirt from coming up over "the girls". Then, Miss Show-em-off told the bank associate, "She really wants the boob."

At this point, it is getting a little awkward, but you know toddlers, they'll do and say just about anything. Mr. Baseball is still watching from the sidelines, saying nothing. Then, Miss Show-em-off is finished at the desk and approaches the counter where Mr. Baseball is ready to cash her check and send her on her way with her money.

As he is counting out her bills, she (along with her daughter and the shopping cart) steps away from the counter. Mr. Baseball finishes counting the money and says, "Miss Show-em-off", you're all set."

Her response, "Oh, can you just bring it over here please?"

Mr. Baseball thought that was an odd request, but he obliged. As he gets over to Miss Show-em-off and her cart, he realizes a moment too late what she is doing. She totally has her shirt pulled up and is proceeding to lean forward and NURSE HER LITTLE GIRL WHILE THE CHILD IS SEATED IN THE SHOPPING CART!!!!

Yes, Mr. Baseball saw the boob and I am totally not happy about it.

According to another client of the bank, this is not an uncommon sight in this "super center".

Um.................I have never seen this with my own eyes and I'm there (*cough*) like every other day!

So, in efforts to avoid therapy and keep my marriage intact, I have decided to write Miss Show-em-off a letter to express my feelings about "the girls" showing up before my husband's very eyes.

Dear Miss Show-em-off,

First of all, let me say thank you for giving me some great blog fodder. You probably don't even know what that is, and will probably never read this post, but please know that I and my readers are grateful!

Now that that's out of the way, I have a few things thing to "get off my chest" (pun intended).

I totally didn't realize "the mart" had another eatery - a mobile breastaurant!

I am TOTAL proponent of nursing your children. I understand some women can't and/or don't want to, but I'm all for it. I for one, nursed my son for a year and had a wonderful experience.

HOWEVER, if I was ever in a public place when my child needed to nurse, I always did so with discretion (i.e. in a fitting room, restroom, or in a corner while covered with a blanket). Allow my friend, Mr. Webster to define the word "discretion" for you.

discretion - "The quality of showing good judgement; prudence (sensible in judgement)

So, as you can see, this definition is the exact opposite of what you did by raising your shirt in a public place and allowing everyone in "the mart of wall" to see your ta-tas, especially my husband, who unbeknownst to him, entered your personal space while the girls were just hangin' out.

Do you not see anything wrong with this picture?

Please, for the sake of your dignity/reputation and for the sake of the public at large, please save the ta-tas for a more discreet location. Its not like your daughter would starve if she didn't get "boob" right at that moment. The worst she might do is throw a temper tantrum and none of us have EVER been witness to one of those while in "the store" before.

And besides, the only breasts I want to see in "the store" are those of the chicken I'll be eating for dinner tonight.

Signed,

A Protective Wife

P.S. Pictured below is what you should wear the next time you go out in public and need to nurse your child.

i only have eyes for you - the proposal

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

In the course of dating, NG and I talked about many things, including high school proms. He had the opportunity to go to both proms (he had two dates his junior year), and I was unfortunate enough to go to neither of my high school proms. Actually, I did ask a friend our junior year, but he never answered me...how rude. But I'm over it.

So, due to the prom misfortune, NG and I decided we would hold our own prom, now that I had a more than suitable date to go with. We set our prom date. NG would take care of all the details, I just had to show up.

I had convinced myself that this was not to be the proposal night for several reasons:

1) It would be waaaaay too obvious and I had prayed that I wouldn't know when the proposal would happen

2) He had convinced me that he in fact did NOT have the ring yet.

3) I was just convinced this would not be the night - enough said.

I dressed in my best dress - a little black number, very hot. I had a handful of bridesmaid dresses (hot pink, periwinkle, seafoam, , etc.), none of which seemed appropriate, and my sister had loaned me a beautiful shawl she had purchased in Spain that went exceptionally well with my little black dress.

NG arrived at my door right on time. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. I took them and he whisked me away...next door, where the prom was being held (in his apartment).

He opened the door for me and was blown away. Balloons and streamers hung from one corner of the room to the other, candles danced and flickered, white rope lights outlined a dance floor in the middle of the living room, and soft music played. I felt like I had just walked in to a Candace Olsen divinely designed room. It was breathtaking.

We put the flowers in water and then he ushered me out to the veranda (commonly known as a balcony on non-prom nights) where there was a little table with two chairs. It was a lovely October evening. The sun was just setting as he brought out dinner - Baked Parmesan Chicken, rolls, and something else I can't recall. I remember being amazed that he had taken time to make this just for me. We sat out on the veranda and ate our delicious meal while the stars appeared one by one. Eighties tunes - one after another played on the stereo - part of a collection of cd's that he had burned just for that night.

We finished dinner and enjoyed dessert (some type of pastry from the infamous Wal-Mart deli). Following our meal, he put away the dishes and suggested we do a little dancing. We danced for a good while and I was ever so content to rest my head on his chest (he's 6'4"). I was only halfway paying attention when I heard "I Only Have Eyes For You" by the Flamingoes playing softly in the background. It was then that NG said, "I have another surprise for you."

Honestly, the first thought that crossed my mind was, "Wow, more flowers?"

He asked me to go stand in front of the linen closet door, but not to open it. I obliged, even though I had no idea what was going on.

NG then said, "Okay, I'm going to turn the lights out. Put your hand on the doorknob, but don't open the door until I tell you to."

He walked back into the living room where he could still see every move I made.

I heard the "click" as the room went pitch black.

"Okay, open the door..."

My heart was pounding wildly. Who or what was he hiding in this closet? I had to ask him if anyone was going to jump out at me. He said there was no one hiding in the closet and told me to just open the door.

I turned the knob and opened the door.

I heard the "click" again as the light came back on.

In front of me was a completely empty linen closet with the exception of a barstool that stood on the floor under the lowest shelf. Clipped to the stool was a desk lamp, its light shining directly on the most beautiful engagement ring nestled snugly in its velvet box.

I gasped and put my hands over my mouth.

I felt NG's hand come around my waist. He reached for my hand as he dropped down to one knee.

"Caroline, will you marry me?"

Of course I said yes. Who wouldn't after all that?

He placed the ring on my finger and gently kissed me.

It was so much to take in and I didn't ever want to forget it. I was ENGAGED!!!!!!

At that point, we basically forgot about the prom and called every member of our families that we could think of. We celebrated the rest of the evening, doing a little more dancing, making a lot of phone calls, and staring at the ring on my finger. It was surreal.

That was October 10, 2003. Five months later, on March 13, 2004, we were married and Neighbor Guy (NG) became my husband, Mr. Baseball.

Our wedding ceremony was beautiful and I would not change a thing about it. God's presence was so abundant in the sanctuary as we sang worship songs and said our vows to one another. It was the perfect day.

As I look back over the four years of marriage, I can't help but see God's plan in all that stuff with Blonde Guy and the heartache I went through. I don't regret it because if it had not happened, I might not be where I am today, married to the love of my life and mother to a beautiful little redheaded boy.

i only have eyes for you - part 5

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

...asked if he could give me just a little kiss.

I wanted to be obliging, but instead I said, "no, I'm just not ready yet - can we just hug?"

What a moron! I'm not ready yet - what kind of answer is that? Like how was I supposed to get ready? Oh, too bad I threw my Jonathan Knight (from NKOTB) poster away, I always liked practicing on him!

Anyway, I was actually super nervous because I had (in my entire life) only kissed one person (when I was 18) and I guess felt like I needed practice or something. Geesh.

So, we didn't kiss, but we did have a nice warm embrace.

My family and I departed for Ireland the next day and planned to be gone about 8 days. I was on such a high from the 24 hours prior, I probably could have flown myself to Ireland without the help of Continental Airlines, but my parents paid for my ticket, so I felt a smidge obligated.

The week in Ireland was so much fun, but I couldn't stop thinking about what (or should I say) who was waiting for me back at home.

The day of our departure dawned and we awoke bright and early, packed the tiny vehicles they call cars and drove to the airport. Upon arriving at the airport, we discovered that a massive snowstorm had pummeled the eastern seaboard of the US. Normally, that would be all well and good, except that we were flying into NEWARK, NJ - which, I might add, was blanketed with at least 2 feet of snow. Not only that, but there were no flights going to states east of the Mississippi. Hmmmmm. All we could do was wait another day. Since NG was supposed to pick me up from the airport, I decided to check my phone messages to see if he had called. At this point, I still didn't have his phone number, so I had no way of getting in touch with him.

I dialed my phone number, entered my password, and voila - he had left me a message. He had also called the airline and found out that the flight had been cancelled. The best part of his message was when he left his phone number. I quickly dialed it, neglecting to think of how much this phone call would set me back. We spoke briefly, and it was so good to hear his voice. I told him I would keep him updated on our flights and let him know when we would be arriving back in NC.

The next morning dawned and we were able to leave Ireland and fly into Newark. However, our connecting flight to NC had been cancelled. Being the finagler (sp?) that he is, my dad got us on another connecting flight only a few hours later that would arrive in NC around 11pm.

NG met a very tired Owen family at the airport, long enough to meet my parents, get my bags, and drive home. Oh, I should mention that there were flowers and a card waiting for me in my seat of his Jeep.

From that point on, it was a go with our relationship. We did share our first kiss in early March (about a month into our relationship) and many more kisses after that. He was wonderful to talk to and we actually joked about never wanting to watch tv because we always had something to talk about.

One of the sweetest things he ever told me was that he wanted to thank Blonde Guy personally for breaking up with me because if he hadn't, I wouldn't be with him (meaning NG). I melted.

In mid-May, after dating 3 months, NG and I were cuddling one night when he looked directly in my eyes and said, "I love you, Caroline." I looked directly in his eyes and said, "Thank you." In my defense, I only responded that way because I had this grandiose expectation that I would only hear that from the man I would marry and I was afraid because I didn't know if NG was my future husband or not.

Over Memorial Day weekend, I spent time with my friend Stephanie (who really needs a blog) and decided that yes, I really did love NG. I had no other words to describe our relationship and "I love you" seemed to be the best next words. I went home and shared with him that I did love him too.

We began discussing our future and where we thought the relationship might be going. That was pretty daunting because I wasn't quite sure if he was thinking marriage, or if I was just crazy. Once we were on the same page for sure, we purchased a book, Preparing for Marriage, and worked through it.

Around August/September, we went ring shopping. I knew the cut I wanted, and that I wanted white gold, but other than that, the ball was in NG's court. He kept me totally in the dark about when and if he had purchased a ring. I pressed him from every angle, but he was unrelenting.

Little did I know the surprise he was cooking up...

(**stay tuned for i only have eyes for you - the proposal)

i only have eyes for you - part 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3


Four hours later, I left his apartment and went home to go to bed. (Get your minds out of the gutter. I'm not that kind of girl. We talked the entire time. Girl Scouts honor.)

Right before I left, he had invited me over for dinner and a movie that Tuesday evening.

Tuesday came and as I left my apartment, I breathed a little prayer.

"Lord, I don't know if this will amount to anything beyond friendship. Help me to first and foremost be a good friend and represent You well if he doesn't know You."

I knocked on the door. NG opened the door, greeting me with a smile. His house smelled of lasagna. We made small talk while the lasagna baked. I noticed it had been a while and I was getting hungry. He checked the lasagna and it was still completely frozen. That's right - turns out NG was good friends with Mrs. Stouffer and she was doing the cookin' that night. We decided that we were too hungry to wait and eat when the lasagna was ready, so we ate our salad and french bread.

Then, we watched Castaway. Talk about awkward first "date" movie - there's no talking for like the entire first hour. If I was any kind of talented, I would have done the cricket sound effect, that would have been hysterical.

By the time the movie was over, the lasagna was done.

Before I left that night, we had set another "date". This one was at my place - I was cooking - and we'd watch another movie - preferably one with more dialogue.

The night came and went. I think we built a fire in my fireplace. I had him build many a fire in my fireplace (literally, not figuratively - yet, anyway) because I always got a good view when he would bend over to place the logs in the fireplace.

The next month we spent a lot of time together. We took trips to Wal-Mart, went sledding, we even bought puzzles to work instead of watching tv. I know, it sounds so cheesy and retirement home-esque, but whatever. We spent hours talking about our families, our spiritual beliefs, our previous relationships, and many other rousing topics. I always looked forward to the end of the day when I would come home. Often, we would leave notes on each other's doors, telling the other one if we'd be late or something. He would always leave his on some kind of baseball post-it notes and I would leave mine on one of those medical pads with a picture of a dinosaur whose name was Sniffasaurus.

Inside, I questioned how he felt about me, but I never voiced that to him. I wanted him to be the one to make the first move. One night in late January, I felt more sure that things might be taking a turn toward a relationship. NG had come over rather late to hang out. We ended staying up until 3am drawing on each other's faces with eyeliner. **I swear I'm not making this up, and we weren't drunk or high - just good, clean fun**. As he was leaving, he grabbed my hand and told me how much fun he had that night and how "sorry" he was for keeping me up so late.

I really don't know what he said because at the moment he grabbed my hand, I was buttah.

The next day was a Friday and I had plans to travel to GA for a conference. I worked half of the day and went home to pack for my trip. Hanging on my door knob was a plastic bag. Inside the bag were two cd's and a note.

The cd's were of 80's music (cause that's how I roll) and the note said:

Hey Caroline,

I am really sorry about keeping you up so late last night. I really didn't mean to do that, but I have so much fun around you and its hard to leave. Well, I hope you have a good trip this weekend. Drive safe today because I know you will be about dead on the drive down. Just play my cd's and maybe that will help. Also, as I write this, I am eating those biscuits you gave me last night and they are really really good. It tastes like they were cooked in a wood-fired thing. Oh, and by the way, my side still hurts a little today, but that can be forgiven. I'll see you next week.

NG

We did see each other that next week, and with Valentine's Day looming, I wondered if he would do anything. There was one small hitch however. My family and I had plans to travel to Ireland to visit my sister who was serving as a missionary over there. We would be gone from the 8th to the 17th, meaning I wouldn't get to spend Valentine's Day him.

NG was on top of his game and invited me out to lunch the day before I was to leave for Ireland. We dined at a steakhouse and returned to his apartment - he had a surprise for me. I waited patiently on the couch in his living room while he worked furiously on a culinary masterpiece in the kitchen. He emerged with Valentine's Day themed slice n' bakes.

The conversation turned serious when he began talking about a "girlfriend" he had in Raleigh. She was a manager at the Gap and sounded really intriguing. Moments later, I found out the Gap girl was merely fictitious and made up to keep a stalker at bay.

Alright NG, you throw a curve ball at me, here's one for you.

"So, if you have a girlfriend in Raleigh, then where does that leave me?"

Boo-Ya.

NG proceeded to launch into a lovely monologue describing his feelings for me. He told me he had never met anyone like me and that he felt more than comfortable when he was with me. I told him I felt the same way about him. We both agreed that we should take the friendship to the next level.

A short while later, I was leaving his apartment when he grabbed me in his arms and....

i only have eyes for you - part 3

Part 1

Part 2


I moved into my apartment the last weekend of October, 2002. I should mention that when I checked with this particular apartment complex in September regarding the availability of a one bedroom/one bath unit, there was nothing available. I returned to the complex once I was sure I was moving to town and they had one unit like the one I wanted.

One afternoon I was removing boxes from my trunk when a guy around my age walked to a Jeep parked next to my car. He said hello, I responded back and continued moving my boxes.

I loved living alone and was enjoying a new phase of young adulthood. I had met a guy at a Bible Study and had spent some time with him, but didn't really see things going beyond friendship. I had also met Sue, a wonderful Christian woman who became my local "mom". Sue and I would walk the track at the middle school 3-4 times each week and she got an earful when it came to my desire to be married.

One afternoon in late fall/early winter, Sue and I were sitting in my apartment and she just came out and said, I think your husband is within a 30 mile radius. I totally balked at this statement and told her that maybe he was within a 100 mile radius because then that would include several large cities. Larger cities meant larger prospects.

Turns out, it wasn't the size of the city that mattered - but rather the weather. Enter the Icestorm of 2002. December 4, 2002 to be exact.

I awoke that morning to sounds of crashing tree limbs. Looking outside, I saw the world covered in inches of ice. The sunshine reflecting off of the trees made for a sight to behold. It was beautiful, and the best part - I knew I would have at least a day off. I was about to go back to bed when I noticed another sight. The guy who said hello to me as I was moving in was walking around in the parking lot surveying all the damage.

Since moving in, I had checked him out through my peephole a couple of times (our doors - about 8 feet apart - faced each other) and noticed that no girls where coming or going out of his apartment. I thought, "Now's my chance to meet him".

I threw on some clothes (no time for a shower and the power was out anyway), a baseball cap, and my coat and gloves and walked nonchalantly down the stairs to the parking lot. Once at the parking lot, I quickly thought to get into my car, retrieve my ice scraper, and commence scraping the three feet of ice off of my car. Neighbor Guy (as I'll refer to him for now) was still walking around the parking lot and hadn't noticed me at this point.

I felt rather sheepish trying to scrape off my car. For starters, my little front-wheel drive Honda Accord was going nowhere on the skating rink that was our parking lot. Still, I pressed on and continued to attempt to clear the ice off my car. It was then that I noticed Neighbor Guy was headed my direction. Oh, shoot! I forgot to brush my teeth! Note to self: Don't stand too close to him.

NG: "Hey, how are you?!"

Me: "Hey. I'm fine, how are you?"

NG: "Good. Just thinking that we don't get weather like this where I'm from."

Me: "Oh yeah? Where are you from?"

NG: "Wilmington (NC), where its hardly winter."

Me: "Yeah, I'm kind of used to this somewhat, growing up in Charlotte and all. By the way, my name is Caroline."

NG: "Hi, I'm NG, nice to meet you."

Me: "I don't know what the point of me scraping my car off is, I'm not going anywhere today." (except to meet you - now I can check that off my list!)

NG: "I'm going to Wal-Mart in a little bit, wanna come?"

**At this point I heard the voice of my mother warning me never to go anywhere with strangers.

Me: Um, I think I'm good, but if you get cold over at your place (remember the power was off = no heat), I've got a wood-burning fireplace you're welcome to. (Geesh how forward of me!)

NG: Okay, thanks. (Goes back into his apartment)

Me: (walking back into my apartment) Doh! Stupid!

Okay, so that didn't go so well. But hey, we talked...I got to see him up close - very cute. He was about 6'4", well-built, light brown hair, goatee...yummy.

We didn't have another face to face encounter until after Christmas. It was dark and I was preparing to summit the mountain of steps going up to my apartment. NG was coming down. We stopped on the stairs, asked each other how our Christmases went, you know, awkward small talk between members of the opposite sex. He was headed to work and I was returning home from work. That was it.

That weekend, I was spending a quiet night alone, wishing that I had the money to rent a video from Blockbuster. All of sudden, I had an epiphany. I would go over to NG's house and borrow a video. After all, he's a guy, he's bound to have a vast array of films.

I knocked on the door, half expecting him not to answer, even though he was home (I had made sure his car was in the parking lot). He answered and I asked to borrow a movie. He invited me in and again I heard my mother's voice cautioning me not to enter a boy's home alone.

I perused his video library, selected Terminator 2 and was about to leave when he invited me to sit down...

i only have eyes for you - part 2

Part 1

Six weeks later, I sat on my front porch with Blonde Guy as he told me that he needed a break from our relationship. I was dumbfounded, even though I had felt like something was up for a week or so. It was the proverbial punch in the gut. He said that he just needed some time apart to think about things. From my perspective, things were left it open-ended and I was hopeful that maybe, just maybe he would change his mind. Even though I was in a state of shock and bawling my eyes out (yes, in front of him), I felt a strange peace.

Blonde Guy left and I retreated to my room to wonder what had just happened and where we went wrong. I thought and rethought my behavior and my words - thinking that something I had said or done had caused this somehow. I cried. I cried some more. And I praised God for His presence with me that evening and for the peace that I felt in my soul.

For three days following the break-up I praised God. I really can't explain why, but I just had a sense that this was right.

On the fourth day, a Saturday, I didn't want to get out of bed. I think it was 12:30pm before I dragged myself out of my bed - mostly out of guilt for sleeping in so late. I was at the lowest point I think I've ever been in my life.

Looking back, I see that I had wrapped up so much of my identity in Blonde Guy. Just the fact that I could say "I have a boyfriend" made me so excited. I can see that I sacrificed a lot of who Caroline was to please Blonde Guy.

In the weeks that followed our break-up, I was struggling. I can't tell you how many times I heard people say, "There'll be other fish in the sea", or "You're young, you have plenty of time to settle down." UGH. That is not what I wanted to hear. I wanted someone who understood me and would listen without trying to make things better.

I didn't find that in a human being. I love my family and friends, but they couldn't be there for me in the deepest way. They didn't fully understand the hurt in my heart.

I spent many nights in my room, Bible open, just crying out to God. I told Him everything (or so I thought). There were moments I felt like life wasn't worth living and I told Him that. There were moments where I hated myself and I told Him that. But there was one thing I was holding back on.

My boss was really understanding and listened to all of my break-up woes. She said one thing that I have never forgotten. She told me not to hold back telling God anything because He was big enough to take it.

That night, in the comfort of my room, I poured my heart out to God again. I thought He might strike me with His lightning for telling Him this and as I spoke it, I cringed, awaiting the punishment that followed His shock and awe (yeah, right) at what I would say.

"God, I don't believe that You are enough for me. I don't believe you want to give me a husband. I don't believe you really want the best for me."

I waited. No lightning - I was still alive.

What followed my confession was the most incredible thing ever. As I sat on my bed, I literally felt like I was sitting in the lap of my Father and His arms were wrapped completely around me. I felt comfortable. I felt understood. I just sat in His lap and cried.

It was then that He began to show me in tangible ways how He was enough for me.

One of the feelings that I experienced was extreme loneliness. Loneliness so deep that it was physically painful. The only salve for my loneliness was the knowledge that Jesus had felt that deep loneliness as he hung on the cross dying for my sin. Knowing that He was the Only One who could totally relate with how I felt drew me closer to Him.

God also used two precious little girls to demonstrate His care and concern for me. I always had a hard time viewing myself as God's daughter prior to this point in my life. In my head I knew it, but my heart hadn't quite caught up. Over at a friend's house one day I watched as her two year old followed her daddy through the yard, literally right on his heels. My friend said, "She is so in love with her father and wants to do everything he does."

God also used the daughter of our church's youth pastor to speak to me. I was attending a meeting at their home (Blonde Guy was also there - how awkward) and we were all sitting around in the living room. "L" walked in, sat in her dad's lap and exclaimed "I love my doddy!". "J", her daddy, did not seem the least bit annoyed that she had interrupted our meeting and loved on her a minute before sending her to her mom to get ready for bed.

I then realized that that is how God sees me. I am His precious child. He is enough for me. He is sufficient. The hurt was still there, but so was His presence. I could run to His lap anytime, for anything.

My heart was beginning to heal and God was changing me.

In the fall of 2002, I received a promotion and became the Executive Director of the non-profit organization that I had worked for since 1999. With the promotion came a raise and much more responsibility - speaking engagements, later nights, more networking in the community, and so on. For the past three years, I had been commuting about 40 minutes each way to work. When I took this new position, I realized that to truly be effective in my job, I needed to move to the city where I worked.

The city where I was living has a population of around 200,000, and includes single men, and several Target stores.
The city where I was working (and still live) has a population of around 25,000 in the city limits, has only a few quality single men, and no Target.

At the time, I was single, so the idea of moving to this small city was not appealing. However, I did feel that the Lord was leading me there, so I went obediently. I recall laying in my bed one night prior to my move thinking, "Okay Lord, it would be so cool if I moved into an apartment and next door was a good-looking Christian guy. Nah, who am I kidding? That will never happen."

I should learn not to limit God...

i only have eyes for you - part 1

I always knew I wanted to be married.

According to my plan, I would meet the man of my dreams in college, get engaged our senior year, and marry the summer after graduation.

Four years of college came and went without so much as a boyfriend. I graduated, began my career, and moved into an apartment with two girlfriends.

Since my first plan didn't work out, I launched another plan - to be married by the age of 24 and have my first child by the time I was 27. After all, I wanted to be done by the age of 30 because I thought 30 was old. Little did I know.

Shortly following college graduation, the onslaught of weddings began. I have always loved weddings. I love the girly-ness of them. I love how radiant a bride is. I love to watch the face of the groom as she is coming down the aisle to meet him. I love the fact that God loves weddings because they (along with the marriage) are a picture of our relationship with Christ. They are deeply significant and beautiful. They were also a constant reminder of what I didn't have - a husband.

Now, I know that I would and could have made it without a man in my life, but I believe God placed a desire for marriage within me and I believed I would get married. I just thought God would work on my timetable.

In 2001, I met Blonde Guy. I spoke of him briefly here. I feel the need to talk about him to set everything up just so. You understand. I'm building your curiosity by just mentioning him aren't I? Now you want to know what happened. I know you do.

My first outing with Blonde Guy happened to be on my 24th birthday - July 4, 2001. He picked me up in his truck and we went to the Fun Fourth Street Festival in our city. We strolled around, listened to some good music, he ate a polish sausage thingy that dripped mustard on his feet (he was wearing sandals), and pretty much sweated our tuckuses off. Following the festival, we went back to his apartment for a cookout with several other friends. He had gotten a cake and some balloons for me. At this point, we weren't anything except friends.

He didn't exactly come out and tell me his feelings for me, and one night I remember feeling a bit anxious about what was going on. We had been spending some time together and I knew I had "more than friend" feelings for him, but I wanted to know where he stood. I called him and drove over to his apartment where I expressed to him that I was definitely interested in being "more than friends". He was also interested in me, but didn't want to put a label on our relationship yet.

Blonde Guy and I continued to hang out well into the fall and winter and my feelings for him grew. We would go mountain biking after church on Sundays. We'd talk on the phone several nights each week. He would surprise me with notes on my car windshield some mornings when I would leave for work. Things were going well. Several people, including my new roommates (who knew him) warned me that things had not ended so well with his previous girlfriend (who we also knew). Still, I was convinced things would be different this time - he would be different with me.

I was constantly left wondering where we stood. I wanted the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk, but he was mum. One evening (several months after our first date), I wanted to know what we "were". Were we girlfriend/boyfriend, just friends, or what? He told me that while he still had feelings for me, he didn't want to put a label on our relationship because that might mean people would expect certain things from us (i.e. holding hands, kissing, etc.). The relationship definitely wasn't physical as he never really held my hand and we never kissed at all (even though I would have been a willing participant).

My emotions were a constant roller coaster. I had convinced myself that he was the one for me, even though inside I had an unsettled feeling.

At the end of March 2002, we were invited to a couple's bridal shower for one of Blonde Guy's roommates who was getting married. Right before I left the shower, I was talking to the bride and she said, "So, you and Blonde Guy are boyfriend/girlfriend?...Congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you".

At that moment, I could have caught a million flies in the gaping hold that was my mouth. This was news to me as Blonde Guy never made mention of us "being" anything. Now he was putting a label on it and he neglected to tell the one person that really should have known. I wasn't mad - to the contrary - I was quite excited that our relationship was to this point. I had a boyfriend! WHEEEEEEE!

My joy, however, was short lived...

daddy's day

to my husband and the redhead's "dah" on father's day...

you are such a special part of our lives
and we are incredibly thankful for the gift that God has given us in you
thank you for being a man of integrity and such a wonderful provider
you make us so proud
we love you bunches and bunches

love, caroline and wesley

look up in the sky, it"s a...

It's a...

Actually, it's...

What the hay?

Yesterday, Adam was sitting at a stoplight waiting to turn onto a major thoroughfare in our town when all of a sudden, hay began falling from the heavens! This is totally true! The hay (or straw) was not in bales (of course) - I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue if bales of hay fell from the sky! The traffic stood still for about a minute as a hay swirled in a funnel, only to disappear as quickly as it came. Adam also said there was no truck from the which the hay might have come from.

It sounds like something from an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

Only in our town will you still encounter:

**mullets (a.k.a Camaro hair) - business in the front, party in the back**

**ground effects - you know, those colored fluorescent lights underneath cars**

and

**hay tornadoes**

When the Cat's Away...

Adam has been out of town since this past Thursday night. He' s participating in a retreat called "Walk to Emmaus". The name is taken from Luke 24:13-24 where, following Jesus' resurrection, two men encounter Him on the road to Emmaus. Jesus asks what the men are discussing and they explain that Jesus of Nazareth, a "prophet" was crucified, buried, but is nowhere to be found in the tomb. Upon hearing their reluctance to call him the Messiah, Jesus says: "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?" Jesus then proceeded the tell them, beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, what was said in Scripture concerning Himself. It wasn't until they arrived in Emmaus, sat down for dinner, and saw this man (Jesus) break bread that their eyes were opened to who He really was. At once they returned to Jerusalem and testified to the Eleven (disciples - Judas) about what they had seen.

This is just about all I know about the Walk to Emmaus. I know it seems strange, but they (its sponsored by the Methodist Church) want to keep it kind of under wraps so those participating won't go in with expectations of the weekend. From the verses, I can gather that the weekend is an encounter with Jesus of some kind. Cool! Who doesn't need that? Uninterrupted time with fellow believers spent worshiping, praying, and listening to speakers (I have gathered a tiny bit more information from our "sponsors" - friend who went last year). There are no cell phones, watches, or communication with the outside world which is great for those who are on the retreat, but for those of us left behind its just weird. Several times I've caught myself wanting to pick up the phone to call Adam and tell him something cute Wesley did. I can't wait for him to come home so I can hear how the weekend was.

Thing is though, he can't share his weekend with me just yet. Next Thursday through Sunday evening, I'll be on my own "Walk to Emmaus". Husbands and wives are encouraged to attend "together". The men's weekend is first followed by the womens weekend. There is really to be no discussion until after the women come home from their experience. What? Do you know how hard its going to be not to ask him what he learned. Over this weekend Wesley and I have prayed for him numerous times and I am sooooooo excited to hear what God revealed to him and worked in his heart. But, I have to wait. Not necessarily a bad thing though. To hear about his experience might make me create expectations of my own. That's not what I want, so I will be patient.

To keep my mind off of Adam being gone here's a list of several things I have done (in random order):

1. Missed my man
2. Changed the sheets on our bed
3. Washed our down comforter
4. Vacuumed the house
5. Took two garbage bags of clothes and shoes to Thrift Store
6. Went for a walk with Lijah and Wesley
7. Went to playgroup
8. Went to Wal-Mart "just to kill time" (who does that?)
9. Went to church (early service, SS, and then worked nursery for the 11:00 service - long day!)
10. Took 2 naps
11. Watched some tv
12. Dusted 2 ceiling fans (not something I have done in a really long time)
13. Worked on Bible Studies for SS and weekly study I'm in
14. Missed my man
15. Played with and loved on Wesley - A Lot!!!!!!
16. Went out to eat
17. Put $61.00 worth of gas in the Jeep (that was painful)

Well, there you have it. You can probably tell by my list that I'm ready for him to come home. Lucky for him that Sarah and LeGrande are taking Wesley next weekend while Adam works, so he'll technically get two weekends wife and child-free. How come it always works that way for the men?

You'll no doubt be hearing what I can tell about my weekend in a week or so. Just be patient. I'll be around this week, so you're not rid of me yet!

Whinies and Roses

For the past several days I have struggled with a little bit of boredom, a lot of selfishness, and sheer exhaustion. I don't know if its just my body trying to bounce back from being sick, but I could sleep all day, literally! All I have wanted to do is not deal with Wesley. I kick myself for even thinking that I wouldn't want him around, but to be honest, some days the last thing I want to be is a mommy who has to constantly be on her toes. It doesn't help that he has been sooooo whiny either. I can't tell what is going on, if its the molars he's cutting or if he doesn't feel well, but its DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Mom, if you read this, I am sooooooooo sorry for being a whiner! I know you are thinking - "What goes around comes around, so just deal with it!" I know you must have wanted to toss me out the window multiple times - at least all those times when you weren't smashing bread and butter in my face!

This morning, I was already bracing for a terrible day when Wesley started whining and it wasn't even 8am. I had told him that he wasn't allowed to whine until at least 4pm, but whatever. As I was washing the dishes while he was eating breakfast, I just lost it, and I continued to lose it for like the next hour and a half. I was frustrated about something Adam and I had talked about, frustrated with Wesley and the whinies, and frustrated at myself for feeling depressed. Wesley picked up on it and started crying and wanted to be held, so there we sat on the couch watching tv, crying. Eventually it came to an end and I noticed that my sweet little boy had fallen asleep! On a normal day I would NEVER have allowed this, but I reasoned that today was not normal and if I didn't have a shower or get dressed before 5pm, then it would be okay. Wesley slept about 45 minutes on me and I actually caught a few Z's myself. He woke up happy and that was that (He even took another 1 1/2 hr. nap later!). As you've seen by now this blog really has no point, I'm just venting somewhat about a crappy day. The day actually got a little better as it went on. When Adam came home it got even better because he surprised me with these...


Yellow roses are some of my favorite...how thoughtful of him! He also brought home a bottle of wine and gave me a sweet card! So, the day hasn't been complete waste. Maybe it will just keep getting better!

Adam Just Won $750,000!

OMG! This has never happened before! I don't even know what to think or how to feel right now- I'm still in shock! As the title reveals, Adam just won $750,000 and NO, its not a typo! All we invested was a mere $20 to have a little fun, we never thought we'd win this big. You might be thinking, playing the lottery is really not a good thing, Caroline. Well, my presumptuous friend, that is not what we did because we know better. Instead, we played a game familiar to most of us, like by some, despised by others (Mom).

It's fast, it's fun, but the pressure's really on when you are asked that all important question,

Deal, or No Deal?

Adam and I were neck and neck for a while. I was down to two cases, 20 and 21 - one held $10K, the other $500K. I had decided to press my luck and see it through to the end. When it came time to keep my case or switch it, I decided to switch it because I had a "good feeling" about case 20. Adam tried to talk some sense into me by reasoning that 21 was a lucky number due to the fact that 7 is a holy number and 7x3 (3 being the Trinity)=21 would be the right one. As the final case was opened, I saw my dreams of a larger home, Wesley's college fund, and that Alaskan cruise being flushed down the proverbial toilet. As play switched to Adam, he still had $200 or $750,000 - the difference between a new storm door or a larger home, Wesley's college fund, and that Alaskan cruise we so desire. Well, as luck would have it (because DoND is really all about luck), Adam picked the right case (13) and was the big winner! So there you have it, the amazing story on how we (I say we because what's his is also mine) won $750G's. We also disproved the theory that 13 is an unlucky number. After all, it was Adam's baseball jersey number back in high school, the day in March that we married, and the number that won us $750,000!

P.S. For those readers (remaining nameless) who may be a tad gullible, we didn't ACTUALLY win $750,000 because we were playing the DVD Home version of Deal or No Deal.

Wesley's Cahs

Its a Saturday and I've got both my men (big and tiny) home with me today. Adam has a rare Saturday off of work and is installing our new front door! I'll send out a picture when he completes the task. For now he's off to Lowe's to buy some much needed parts for the door so we're not stuck with a big hole in the front of our house tonight! Wesley has been fascinated with what his "dah" has been doing. We had to block his access to the front door so that any flying debris or tools wouldn't hurt him and he definitely let us know that was not acceptable in his world. He has been pretty whiny today. Up until today, we had a string of very good behavior days, so on our trip to Wal-Mart yesterday, I decided that it was time to reward Wesley and add a few more cars to our already growing collection. Wesley loves his "cahs" and trucks and will entertain himself for hours just pushing them along the carpet, rolling them around in the kitchen, playing with them on the coffee table or entertainment cabinet. Here is a picture of the new acquistions: A cartoonish classic car, a Matchbox Camaro Concept car, and a CAT truck. He favors the Camaro - I know, I know, Matchbox cars are for children ages 3 and older, but I had a moment of weakness. Like father, like son (Adam loves Camaros)!


So, that's been our day thus far. The tiny man is down for a nap right now which is good for all of us in the house. I always look forward to nap time (we're down to one a day now). Its a good time for me to shower, sleep, or work on my Bible Study. I'm in a group study on Thursday mornings and we've been working on Beth Moore's Stepping Up: A Journey through the Psalms of Ascent. It has been very good, but I admit completing five days of homework each week can be a little tricky with a toddler in the house. I have never done a study on the Psalms before and I didn't realize that there were even Psalms of Ascent, but there are! Psalms 120-134 and they talk about the pilgrims journey to Jerusalem to celebrate the Three Great Feasts (Unleavened Bread, Weeks, and Tabernacles). I enjoy the depth that Beth goes to in her Bible Studies. She really digs into Scripture and pulls out things that I never would have seen in certain verses. It makes me really want to study the Bible more and I have to be careful because I sometimes think that I can be like Beth Moore when studying the Bible. I have to remember that she has a lot of resources to help her in her studies, and while I can have those same resources at my fingertips also, sometimes its just good to sit under someone and listen.
Since Wesley is napping right now, I'm going to take advantage of this time and go do something else that's productive!