one nation under God

I am a person who tends to shy away from political issues. I simply haven't taken the time to learn about political happenings in the world today. Obviously I wasn't in the dark about the election on Nov. 4 and I did a little homework so I could make an informed choice while exercising my right to vote.

And vote I did.

I have to say I have had a really hard time with the election results. The Presidential Election results, that is. Now before anyone decides to write comments about me being a racist, please know that my unsettledness is not about that. Caucasian, African American, Asian American, whatever race the President is - that doesn't determine how qualified he/she is and how good of a job they'll do while in office.

I think for me, the real issue is this...

That so many people are looking to him and holding out hope that he will be their all in all.

But the truth is that he's just one person. And he makes mistakes like all the rest of us.

Can he bring change? I'm sure that he will in some form or fashion because the one thing that never changes is change. And change is not always a bad thing.

But we can't put our hopes and dreams on one person's shoulders because we WILL be disappointed at some point. That is for sure.

During these times of great economic instability, moral crises, and political change, our hope as a nation should rest on this...

The Lord (not a candidate or his promises) is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, O Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:9-10

I pray that our new President will seek the Lord and that our nation will place its hope in God and not in man.

his treasured possession

The other day I wrote this post on being chosen by God. I spoke of "knowing" God's truth and His promises, but not always believing that they apply to me. When I hear a truth, sometimes I feel as if it lands on the surface of my heart (so to speak), but doesn't make its way to the depths.

Wednesday night I had a breakthrough - and it was awesome!

I mentioned that I am a part of a Thursday morning Bible Study and we are currently doing a study called Anointed, Transformed, and Redeemed by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kaye Arthur and it is beyond good!.

As I was completing the last day of "homework" for this week, my eyes ran across a verse from Deuteronomy 7:6

"You are My treasure."

Something about the verse beckoned me to look it up in the translation that I enjoy (New International Version), so I did and here's what it said...

"For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession."

Now I love some deep thinking, so I took it a step further and thought about the characteristics of people's treasured possessions whether or not those treasures would be people or material/sentimental items. I (well, really the Lord) came up with six characteristics of treasured possessions:

1. Treasured possessions are a priority to their owner/master, etc.
2. Treasured possessions are tenderly and meticulously looked after and cared for.
3. Treasures are fiercely protected and guarded.
4. Treasures are highly esteemed and loved by their owners/masters, etc.
5. Treasures hold immeasurable worth(great value) and are irreplaceable.
6. Treasured possessions are often sought after and pursued in quests that sometimes take years.

After listing the characteristics of treasured possessions, I took it even one step further and compared those characteristics to myself and God - with me being the treasured possession.

Because I am God's treasured possession (according to His Word):

1. I am His priority - (John 3:16)

"For God so loved the world (insert your name where "world" is for a more personal truth) that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him."

2. I am tenderly and meticulously looked after and cared for - (Matthew 6:25-33)

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

3. I am fiercely guarded and protected by God - (Psalm 18:1-19) This passage is a little long, so I couldn't put the whole thing on here, but here's an excerpt:

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from my foes who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me."

4. I am highly esteemed and loved by God - (1 Peter 2:9-10)

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."

5. I hold immeasurable worth/value and am irreplaceable in God's eyes - (Isaiah 49:15-16, 64:8)

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you? See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."

"Yet, O Lord you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."

6. I have been and still am being pursued and sought after by God - (Titus 3:3-7, Psalm 139)

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified (freed from all blame and guilt) by his grace , we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life."


This post is long, so if you're still with me, I believe that God is speaking to you. The truth is that you are His treasure, whether you feel like it's true or not. If there is something (anger, fear, etc.) keeping you from knowing God or talking to Him, please, be honest with Him about what's hurting you. He's big enough to hear our biggest mess and He can handle the hurts of our hearts. He wants you to move forward out of your hurt and become better, healed, and whole. God has good things for you - not painless things for you (because the reality is that life is just painful), but good things for you.

If you have further questions or want to talk more about some of the things I've written, please email me at cowengilmore@yahoo.com.

Be blessed my friends!

being chosen

As humans, one of our basic desires is to be wanted - to be chosen. We may have encountered rejection early on in our lives by a mother or a father. Maybe our friends or a significant other turned their backs on us at the time when we needed them most, or maybe we just weren't picked to be on the "cool people's" dodgeball team in 5th grade. Whatever the situation, each of us has experienced rejection in our lives.

I have been attending a Thursday morning bible study for almost a year and a half and have received such a blessing being a part of it. We have done several studies during my time there, including two by Beth Moore, and two by Priscilla Shirer. Both ladies are amazing Bible teachers and have a gift for illuminating the Scriptures in ways that normal people like me can understand.

The study we're going through right now is called Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed:A Study of David and has opened my eyes to a certain truth about myself.


God chose me.


This may seem strange or even elementary to some, but this is something that while I might have known it in my head, is finally beginning to break through to my heart.

I have been chosen [handpicked, singled out] to accomplish His purposes in this generation.

Of course I'm not the only one. Anyone who believes and trusts their life with the truth that God tore Himself away from heaven to come and be with us (in the flesh as Jesus Christ) has been chosen by God.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you." (John 15:16)

To get into a debate about predestination vs. free will is not my intent here so please don't misunderstand. I'm simply sharing something that God is showing me.

Priscilla states that, "Being chosen simply designates the glorious fact that God chooses us, so our confidence rests not in our faithfulness but in His.

Not only have we been chosen, but we are established [to bring something into being with the consequence that its existence is a certainty] - meaning that God sets things securely in order and prepares them for the specified purpose.

I have discovered that God wants to use me to begin a MOPS program in my city.

I tried to send several Newsflashes to God that I really wasn't the right person to do this for this reason or that reason, but He keeps being persistent and is using this Bible Study to show me that yes, I am the one He wants to use.

Direct quote from the study: "He didn't select us to lead the study, mother the children, marry the man, lead the meeting, run the office, evangelize the tribe, or start the ministry (Holla!) because he knew we were already capable. Rather, He picked us up, dusted off our incapability, replaced it with His ability, and secured our success when we chose to rest and trust in Him to work supernaturally in us."

So, I feel completely inadequate for this task, but I am determined to press on. Sure, I'll make lots of mistakes along the way, but I am more than excited to see the impact this ministry will have in our community.

After all, I've been chosen by God and established for this task at hand - to bring Him glory.

I know that this post has a more serious tone than some of the others, and I am grateful, if in fact you are still reading. So, in the spirit of all things Caroline, I had to throw in some humor, cause that's how I roll.

I have to be honest and tell you that when I first opened the study and read "You have been chosen", my first thought wasn't, "Wow, that's amazing spiritual truth that is now penetrating my heart to the core!" I thought of this...

what defines me

Hi. It's me Caroline. You know, author extraordinaire of Pocket Change. And also the one who's been away for the last week. Allow me to explain.

Without launching into a bunch of unnecessary jargain about what's been going on the last several months, let's just say that I allowed this blog to take over my life. I would blog in the morning, letting the redhead watch tv for a couple hours just so I could "do my thing". I would blog during his nap - a time when I need to be spending time in Bible Study and "gettin' my Jesus on", but nope - I would blog then too. I would blog before dinner, after dinner, and into the evening while my husband sat watching tv.

The sad part? The whole time I was blogging, I was feeling guilty, like I should be tending to my responsibilities at home and to my family. But I continued blogging.

Last Monday was the breaking point. I sat alone working on a new Bible Study I'm a part of (Priscilla Shirer's Discerning the Voice of God - hmmm, coincidence...I think not) when I knew that something had to change. I'm going to share with you some excerpts of my journal entries from the past week:

A friend recently wrote about her love of blogging and how it had become an idol in her life and that she wanted to love Jesus more. She realized that she needed to give it up completely. I too realize that blogging has become an idol for me - while an outlet at times, it has really become a means of escaping responsibility, a hindrance keeping me from my family, but mostly a hindrance from my relationship with the Lord. A few weeks ago I told God that I didn't want to give up blogging and wasn't ready to obey if that is what He asked me to do. I have conintued to be plagued by unrest and my spirit is not at peace. I know God is trying to speak to me about this idol, but I'm stuffing my ears.

I feel I'm finally getting to a point where I want to hear what God is saying. I know what I hear Caroline saying - "I don't want to give up blogging...its my creative outlet". I know that I am also really bogged down in what other people will think. I also know what I want God to say - "it's okay, you don't have to give up blogging completely, just don't love it more than you love me".

Right now, I can't hear anything clearly and I want to, I need to. I love blogging and I recive much affirmation and have made many "friends", but my relationship with Christ will not flourish and I will not hear God if I don't chosse to obey.

I believe what I need to do is take a step away from blogging for a week and really clear my mind and heart to hear from God. Because I don't know whose voice is whose, right now I must take time to discern His voice and put Him back on the throne of my life.

So, I took a week off.

My love of blogging didn't dissipate - at all. The desire to blog all hours of the day did. My desire to spend more time with Jesus grew exponentially as I spent precious time with Him this week.

I also realized that while blogging in and of itself is not sinful, what I made blogging into - something I love more than God - is sinful.

My desire to spend time with my precious son who will only be small a short time grew. My desire to spend time with my husband also grew. God changed my heart, I just made myself available to Him.

So, with that said. I'm not hanging up the blog totally (unless I hear otherwise), but I won't be posting as often. If I lose some readers, then I lose some readers. That's hard for me to stomach. However, I desire to please my Father more.

This week, the Lord brought a Scripture to mind:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Hebrews 12:1-3

It is so easy for me to become entangled in something that has no eternal value. It has happened with computer games, blogging, and worrying about what's going on with all the celebrities. What I truly desire to be embedded in is God's truth and a growing relationship with Him. I pray that as I seek to become more intimate with my Father, He will give me a passion for the things He desires as well.

choosing to trust

Lately, there has been so much going on in my head and heart that I feel like I just need to write. I realize that this is much deeper than the silliness that usually makes up my posts, but this too is a part of me and I feel I should share it (without going into too much detail). Someone else out there probably needs to hear it too.

There is a major area of my life where I am failing to trust God. In reality, there is probably more than one, but this is the biggest. Its the area where He most wants to teach me and yet I am most fearful to let Him because I don't think He really wants the best for me.

A few months ago God opened my eyes to this issue and I was impacted then, but I went back and read my journal entries and the Bible Study I was doing at the time and man...WHAM!...it hit me to the core - again. Here are some of the quotes that really spoke to me:

He (God) knows when something glorious in the future necessitates
something difficult in the present.

A good friend told me recently that she believed God had great things in store for me and I do get small glimpses of that in the future. However, I tend to get discouraged easily when I don't see the manifestation of God's work in the present.

If our trust is in manifestations of God's favor rather than God Himself, we will crumble like dry clay when He calls us to walk a distance of our journeys entirely by faith and not by sight.

Can I get an AMEN? This is me. My journey right now is by faith, but DAILY I look for visible, tangible signs. In Sunday School, we talked about viewing God as a cosmic vending machine. We ask for what we want and put our "money" (prayers) in, but if we don't get what we want, we have a temper tantrum and demand our dollar back and turn our backs on God.

God is with us and for us even when His face and favor seem hidden. Mountain-like security only comes from trusting God, not what He's done for us or given us, however glorious and eternal those things may be.

I have been praying for something specific for a while now and my specific prayer was for God to do "whatever it takes" to answer that prayer. What I realized after talking with my friend was that my prayer had been conditional - "God, do whatever it takes to answer this prayer, but just don't mess with what I've got going on." I see that the difficulty I'm going through right now - all the changes going on in my heart as well as the testing of my faith - may very well be part of the "whatever it takes".

Yesterday I was reading a devotion from a book that I have . This particular devotion was called "In the Storm" - hello, is this for me or what? Here are some excerpts from the devotional.

God is always working for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). However, our definition of good and God's definition of good may be completely different and may collide head-on in hard times. Our definition of good usually equates to happiness. We want (and even expect) God to make us happy. But what's good for God? Good for God is when He's working for His glory, or when He's working to make us holy.

...God cares more about our character than He does about our carefree lives. We may not be able to figure out what God is doing in the hard times of life. Those answers may not come this side of heaven, but we know God can use the tough times in our lives to help us grow. Giving God our lives during hard times means trusting that He's working for good no matter what - or walking through the process with Him until He brings us to the point where we can believe that. That means being where we are with Him - crying, mourning, even being angry, and discussing that with Him. Over time, as we continue to seek Him, He'll align our hearts with His by changing our definition of what's good, or He'll teach us something about Himself, or He'll simply give us what we need to trust Him even though we don't understand.

May it be so, Lord.

**Excerpts taken from April 17, 2008 devotion; Journey: A Woman's Guide to Intimacy with God; April 2008;

directed purposeful expectancy

Ever since high school, I have written in journals. My journal entries contain a variety of quotes, song lyrics, meaningful scripture, or just my thoughts and feelings at the time. On those many pages I have written possibly hundreds of thousands of words, poured out my heart, and spilled many tears. Journaling is an outlet for my many emotions. It is also a written account of my life and spiritual growth, but most importantly, a testimony to God's faithfulness. I can look back over 14 years of entries and see what He has done in my life.

I love Ephesians 3:20-21.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

How many times has God blessed me with more than all I could ask or imagine...hmmm...let's see...ALOT! I'll give you a few examples.

1) There was the time my senior year of college that I wanted to go to on a mission trip with InterVarsity but didn't have enough money. My parents said they wouldn't be able to help with the whole amount (around $130), but that they could give me half. I prayed for the other half to come in. When I received the money from my parents, there was $100! I didn't know where the rest would come from. Two days before the trip, I got a call that someone had anonymously given $50 toward my trip! I had more than enough (the difference went to help pay another student's way).

2) In 2002, I experienced the rough breakup of a relationship. Fortunately, I would soon realize that it was one of the greatest times of spiritual growth in my life, which I am thankful for. My heart's desire was to be married and I constantly prayed that I would find a husband. A few months later I got promoted at work and decided I should make the half hour move to the town where my job was. Unfortunately there was not an abundance of single men to be found, so in a casual conversation with the Lord one day I said, "Wouldn't it be cool if I moved in right next to a single, Christian guy (who was also good looking)?" Know what? I did move in next to that single, Christian, good-looking guy. We were married a year and a half later!

3) In 2005, Adam and I were looking to buy a home. We fell in love with what we thought to be the "perfect" house. We decided to put in a bid and called our realtor only to find out that someone else had already put an offer on it. We were so upset, but continued looking for houses. The Lord led us to Lucy and we fell in love with her. Come to find out, that "perfect" house had major foundation issues - so big in fact that the person who made the offer backed out of their contract. It also turns out that our payment would have been significantly more than what we pay for Lucy!

As many of you know, we have been praying for several years for a fulfilling, financially rewarding job for Adam. We weathered the years with Parks and Rec and now we're accepting this season with Woodforest National Bank, but we both believe that this is not it for Adam. Unfortunately, neither of us knows what it happens to be and that can leave us feeling hopeless.

In an entry titled Finding Rest and Laughter, I wrote about how I sensed God was telling me to be still and wait patiently for Him. Over the past few weeks since that post, I have encountered this theme at least three or four more times (He just about has to hit me over the head with something in order for me to see it!). On May 4, our pastor preached a sermon about "God's Waiting Room" and it spoke volumes to me. Specifically, I don't know what I'm waiting for, I'm just waiting on God. However, if he's taking suggestions, a new and fulfilling job for Adam would be nice! Johnny (our pastor) said some great things about waiting based on Psalm 27:14. Here are a few nuggets I took away from the message:

* Waiting on God goes against our flesh and against our culture. (This is obvious just by watching the redhead for all of 30 seconds!)
* Don't confuse waiting on God as wasted time
* Waiting is directed purposeful expectancy! I LOVE THAT!!
* Waiting is a readiness to obey
* God works on behalf of those who entrench themselves in Him
* Waiting on God is active, not passive
* Waiting on God is wise
* Waiting on God puts us on His timetable
* If we understand that God is in control, we receive encouragement to press on
* Waiting on God is a time of spiritual preparation and growth. Time spent waiting on God can be the time where we grow the most.
* Waiting on God gives us strength (Isaiah 40:28)

I love the second and third points! This time of waiting on the Lord is not wasted. In fact, I would chalk this time up with some of the best for me spiritually. I also love that waiting is Directed Purposeful Expectancy, there is a great purpose to waiting - do I know what it is? Not yet, but hopefully in time!. So, we will continue praying and see what God does!

www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/people-waiting

We're just waiting to dive in!

To See His Face

For the past six weeks, I have been involved in a Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer titled He Speaks to Me. I have written about this study in a previous post(A Healthy Dose of Perspective) and again find myself wanting to share Priscilla's God-given words of wisdom. This week's study is titled "A Servant Spirit".

"A true servant of God must be willing to surrender to God's plan completely."

This includes a willingness to surrender to the Lord's challenges.

(Priscilla's words in italics) - Trials and challenges are inevitable. We must learn to expect them, submit to them, and learn from them. However, we can rest assured that behind every challenge we can find God. He orchestrates the events of our lives to build us up and bring Himself glory, but that doesn't mean we will always like what He has assigned us to do. We often encounter great challenges as we walk in obedience to God. The greatest challenge of all might just be getting used to the fact that sometimes His assignments are different than the plans we had for ourselves.

We need to keep our eyes focused on eternity, always remembering God is in control.

The family who recently lost a precious baby girl to a chromosomal defect. The woman with young children in the midst of divorce. The husband and wife who have waited for years to be parents, hesitant to hope for fear they will only encounter hurt again. The man who wonders will he ever find a job that makes him fulfilled. Real people with real trials.

Malachi 3:3 refers to God as a silversmith. The refiner desires to bring forth the metal in its truest form. To do this, he places the object in the fire and carefully observes its response to the heat. The silversmith watches the metal, prepared to take it out at just the right moment. Too much heat will damage the precious work.

God is the divine silversmith refining metal to rid it of impurities. When we are burdened, broken, and in need, He reminds us we are not alone. God will not only never leave our side, He watches over us and knows when enough is enough. Do you know how the silversmith knows the refining process is complete? He must be able to clearly see his reflection in the molten metal. We sometimes find ourselves in a place we believe is too difficult. The intense heat seems to be too much to bear, but God is paying close attention. His work will be done and we will be ready when He can see His reflection in us.

Lord, help me be willing to completely surrender to your plan. I pray that through the trials in my life, you will be able to see your reflection in me.

Finding Rest and Laughter

I don't think I've EVER let almost a week pass by between posts! I have a good excuse though, I was on a retreat from Thursday night until late Sunday night. Yesterday, I had to emerge back to the real world after a lack of sleep and very long days, not to mention a toddler who didn't sleep well and has a runny nose. I feel much better this morning after having gone to bed before 10 and sleeping until almost 8! Aaaahhh.

Before I left for the retreat, I felt like life was just getting away from me and it was all I could do just to keep up. I felt like I couldn't keep up with the housework (I know there's always going to be something to do), I wasn't planning my days well, my quiet times had just become catch up times for the 2 Bible studies (each with 5 days of homework!), and I wasn't really sitting in God's presence to listen, I would just come to "do" the necessary work and then duck out to run to another important duty.

Thursday night while on the retreat, I got ready for bed and then sat down to write in my journal. I began to put on paper all of the crazy thoughts that were coursing through my mind. After a page I thought, "Heck, I'll never be able to write all this down, I'll just pray about it and bring it to God that way." I began to pray, but my mind was racing. I opened my eyes and saw a verse printed at the bottom of my journal's page.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7

Coincidence? I think NOT! At that point, I said, "Okay Lord, help me to be still and wait patiently on You."

I didn't sleep well that night because my mind was still racing, and the next day I felt anxious, like a knot was inside my stomach. I went through the day feeling like this. Was I missing God? I wasn't getting emotional like some of the other ladies, was I don't something wrong? I thought I knew what God wanted to work on over this weekend, but I just wasn't seeing it. Where was God?

Friday night we had prayer time in the chapel and we were invited to stay and pray alone or with one of the clergy. I met with a wonderful lady who assured me that just as God had created me unique, He knew how exactly He wanted to show Himself to me. She prayed with me that my anxiety would be gone in the morning and I would just "wait patiently for Him" without anticipating anything.

Saturday morning came with a great peace. I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was able to go through the rest of the weekend just waiting on God. I feel like God just wanted me to get to a place of rest where I could come to Him and not expect Him, but just wait on Him.
I also discovered that crazy Caroline who does all the sound effects, voices, and stupid dance moves is still a part of me, but has been buried underneath the responsibilities of wife and mother. I had SOOOOOOOO much fun just cutting loose and being crazy. I met many wonderful ladies who appreciated and encouraged my sense of humor and got crazy alongside me. I also learned a new term from my friend Nicole that probably shouldn't be shared in this venue (some might think its a little gross)! She is hilarious. I also learned a great little song about Jesus from her.

As I process what I learned, I'll share more, but what I got were two blessings that I wasn't expecting to find when I got there on Thursday.

When the Cat's Away...

Adam has been out of town since this past Thursday night. He' s participating in a retreat called "Walk to Emmaus". The name is taken from Luke 24:13-24 where, following Jesus' resurrection, two men encounter Him on the road to Emmaus. Jesus asks what the men are discussing and they explain that Jesus of Nazareth, a "prophet" was crucified, buried, but is nowhere to be found in the tomb. Upon hearing their reluctance to call him the Messiah, Jesus says: "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?" Jesus then proceeded the tell them, beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, what was said in Scripture concerning Himself. It wasn't until they arrived in Emmaus, sat down for dinner, and saw this man (Jesus) break bread that their eyes were opened to who He really was. At once they returned to Jerusalem and testified to the Eleven (disciples - Judas) about what they had seen.

This is just about all I know about the Walk to Emmaus. I know it seems strange, but they (its sponsored by the Methodist Church) want to keep it kind of under wraps so those participating won't go in with expectations of the weekend. From the verses, I can gather that the weekend is an encounter with Jesus of some kind. Cool! Who doesn't need that? Uninterrupted time with fellow believers spent worshiping, praying, and listening to speakers (I have gathered a tiny bit more information from our "sponsors" - friend who went last year). There are no cell phones, watches, or communication with the outside world which is great for those who are on the retreat, but for those of us left behind its just weird. Several times I've caught myself wanting to pick up the phone to call Adam and tell him something cute Wesley did. I can't wait for him to come home so I can hear how the weekend was.

Thing is though, he can't share his weekend with me just yet. Next Thursday through Sunday evening, I'll be on my own "Walk to Emmaus". Husbands and wives are encouraged to attend "together". The men's weekend is first followed by the womens weekend. There is really to be no discussion until after the women come home from their experience. What? Do you know how hard its going to be not to ask him what he learned. Over this weekend Wesley and I have prayed for him numerous times and I am sooooooo excited to hear what God revealed to him and worked in his heart. But, I have to wait. Not necessarily a bad thing though. To hear about his experience might make me create expectations of my own. That's not what I want, so I will be patient.

To keep my mind off of Adam being gone here's a list of several things I have done (in random order):

1. Missed my man
2. Changed the sheets on our bed
3. Washed our down comforter
4. Vacuumed the house
5. Took two garbage bags of clothes and shoes to Thrift Store
6. Went for a walk with Lijah and Wesley
7. Went to playgroup
8. Went to Wal-Mart "just to kill time" (who does that?)
9. Went to church (early service, SS, and then worked nursery for the 11:00 service - long day!)
10. Took 2 naps
11. Watched some tv
12. Dusted 2 ceiling fans (not something I have done in a really long time)
13. Worked on Bible Studies for SS and weekly study I'm in
14. Missed my man
15. Played with and loved on Wesley - A Lot!!!!!!
16. Went out to eat
17. Put $61.00 worth of gas in the Jeep (that was painful)

Well, there you have it. You can probably tell by my list that I'm ready for him to come home. Lucky for him that Sarah and LeGrande are taking Wesley next weekend while Adam works, so he'll technically get two weekends wife and child-free. How come it always works that way for the men?

You'll no doubt be hearing what I can tell about my weekend in a week or so. Just be patient. I'll be around this week, so you're not rid of me yet!

Good Assets and Answered Prayers

Saturday was a good day. We got up, got Adam off to work, ate breakfast, got ready and headed out the door to my sister's house. She and LeGrande were keeping Wesley basically all day while I went to a friend's baby shower in Durham. After having lunch with Sarah and LG, I decided I should better go to Target to get my gift. Nothing like last minute. At this point in my journey, I had not yet changed for the shower because I had a fashion plan in mind. I was already wearing my lovely salmon colored sweater I have previously purchased at Target and was going to pair it with some great pants I bought a couple of years ago at Ann Taylor Loft (said purchase was made prior to baby when I worked for money!) I know you're thinking how great it is that I can fit into pants I wore before having Wesley! Thanks! Anyway, these pants fit, but they are a little tight unless I have something like control top hose to harness the love handles and baby pooch I still have (but am trying to reduce). My plan was foolproof - I would go to Target, get the gift and get the secret weapon (that's not going to be so secret in a minute). My friend Emily recently posted about Spanx and Assets. Basically, for those who may not know, they are a glorified girdle that makes your lines looks smooth and cottage cheese free. Not to mention they do away with every single VPL (that's Visible Panty-Line). I bought my Assets, the gift, and a pack of gum for the road and headed back to the car. I was going to change in my car, but of course there was a hitch. The couple parked in front of me was loitering around their car wrapping a last minute present that they too had purchased. Not to worry - I just packed my pants, shoes, and Assets in my tote and went back into Target where I changed in the bathroom. I looked good, I felt good, and I proceeded to the shower.

Back on the road I glanced at my directions to the shower. I knew which exit to get off at, but the directions didn't say which direction to go at the top of the exit. Not being too familiar with the area, I called a friend who "knows" the area and she told me to take a right at the light off of the exit. Thinking I was pretty close to the shower and there would be gas stations nearby, I didn't worry that I only had 12 miles to empty. It was only when the road ended that I realized I had gone in the wrong direction. By this point I had 6 miles to empty. Unfortunately, 6 miles in a Jeep Grand Cherokee V8 doesn't actually mean 6 miles, its more like 1 mile to empty. I started to panic. Not a gas station in sight. While sitting at a red light I said a prayer - "Lord, I don't know where this shower is or where the nearest gas station is. Help me get to one or the other without running out of gas." The words had just escaped my lips when all of a sudden the display begins to read 6...10...13...and finally 15 miles to empty! I started to laugh. Hard. The light turned green and I was still laughing and thanking God for his goodness and his sense of humor at the situation. I passed through 2 red lights and came to a gas station. It was one of the most blessed sights my sore eyes had seen in a long time. I filled up and proceeded to the shower, arriving a fashionable 30 minutes behind schedule. No one really noticed that me and my Assets were late, and that's okay. I had a good time celebrating the impending arrival of my friend's precious baby boy who's going to have some fabulous stories of his own to tell one day.

A Healthy Dose of Perspective

Over the past several months, God has really been revealing a certain major sin issue that I have been nurturing for many years...PRIDE. Thankfully, His revelation has been gentle, non-stop, but gentle.

As long as I can remember, I have always felt like I was "the good one". The only way I can explain it is that I felt exempt from certain negative things that other people experienced. For instance, in 2nd grade, we had these weekly reports on animals or other things that we had to turn in. When the kids in my class didn't complete them, there was a consequence. One day, I forgot my report. I was mortified that I had forgotten it and even more mortified that I was punished for forgetting. After all, I was a "good kid" and forgetting was certainly not as bad as just not doing the report. The truth is, the reason for not having my work didn't matter - I didn't have it, plain and simple, so I received a punishment.

Pride is ugly. The Bible says God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5). In my weekly Bible Study and we are currently doing a study on hearing God speak by Priscilla Shirer (Tony Evans' daughter). One of the hindrances to hearing God's voice is pride and Priscilla has some significant thoughts on this sin condition.

She says: Pride causes us to think we can do more than we can and convinces us we deserve special treatment, recognition, or honor. Pride causes us to think less of others and too much of ourselves.

Priscilla, we've never met, yet you have me PEGGED!

She also says..."Pride is a distraction. It causes us to bypass important and pertinent issues because we are consumed with ourselves. Often Jesus wants to reveal important information to us, but our prideful hearts get in the way of our ability to hear the message. Humility, on the other hand, clears the pathway for us to hear God."

It has been very freeing to realize that I am NOT the "good one". In fact, nothing about Caroline is good at all. All the "good" things I do are still like filthy rags in God's sight. I have a problem and it's called sin. I can't save myself.

Thankfully, the story doesn't end there -

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:3-7

Mercy. Grace. Jesus Christ dying for a sinful, guilty, wretch like me. Because of Jesus I am saved, I have hope, I am acceptable and even pleasing to God. WOW! If me being good was good enough, I wouldn't need a savior - I wouldn't need Jesus. But I need Jesus. Its not about me.

So, am I "cured" of my pride? Yes and No. Yes because Jesus died on the cross two thousand years ago and forgave it. Period. When God looks at me He doesn't see my pride and all the other things I struggle with- He see Jesus. And No because in the real world, while I'm still in my "Eggar Suit " (from Men In Black=)), I'll always be imperfect.

God, keep me mindful of where I've been so I will always know that it's You taking me wherever I go.

Amen.

The Blessings of a Broken Road

For the last six weeks I have been part of a Bible Study by Beth Moore titled Stepping Up: A Journey through the Psalms of Ascent (I wrote about this briefly in one of my first posts). At the study, we sit 4-5 women at round tables around the room. Each table has a list of questions intended to prompt discussion based on the "homework" done during the week. Following the time of discussion, we watch a video of Beth Moore speaking and fill out notes in our workbooks that correspond to the Session we are viewing. Today's session was titled Blessings From Zion and was based loosely on Psalm 134, the final Psalm of Ascent. I always enjoy listening to Beth Moore. She has walked a difficult path of pain and heartache, but has put her hope in Jesus Christ and thus found forgiveness and freedom to reach out and help others. One of the points she made in today's session was from Psalm 84:5-7.

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion."

Three times each year, the Israelites would make a pilgrimage to Jerusalem to celebrate the Three Great Feasts in the temple. They would make this journey with family and friends, traveling in large groups of people. Part of their journey would take them through the Valley of Baca. Baca actually means "tears" or "weeping", so their travels would literally take them through a time of deep tears. I know that I can definitely relate to times of deep tears, and as Beth says its not a matter of if we will ever experience times of deep tears, its a matter of when those times will come. Pain is a part of life. We watch others go through something profoundly sad or tragic and say "I could never go through what they are going through". The truth of the matter is, that when we are faced with hardships, God wants us to see that He gives us the grace and strength at that moment to make it through whatever we are facing. That is how we go from strength to strength. In each experience we encounter, we receive a fresh measure of God's grace and strength.

Each of us walks a broken road; we've put hope in people and been disappointed, we've lost people we've loved, we've been rejected, we've sacrificed, you get the picture. The point is, each step in our broken road serves to point us to Christ. He's the one that holds us in our pain, our disappointment, our rejection and gives us Himself and His strength to hold on. He's the True Love that we tend to look for in others. He the One that all of our brokenness pushes us to. God has certainly blessed my broken road and I am so grateful that those broken roads continue to lead me straight to Christ.

Many of you know that I am a music aficionado. During the video, Beth had her worship leader sing a popular song written by Rascal Flatts. It was more than appropriate and I have included the lyrics here for you to read and ponder. Be Blessed!

Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Wesley's Cahs

Its a Saturday and I've got both my men (big and tiny) home with me today. Adam has a rare Saturday off of work and is installing our new front door! I'll send out a picture when he completes the task. For now he's off to Lowe's to buy some much needed parts for the door so we're not stuck with a big hole in the front of our house tonight! Wesley has been fascinated with what his "dah" has been doing. We had to block his access to the front door so that any flying debris or tools wouldn't hurt him and he definitely let us know that was not acceptable in his world. He has been pretty whiny today. Up until today, we had a string of very good behavior days, so on our trip to Wal-Mart yesterday, I decided that it was time to reward Wesley and add a few more cars to our already growing collection. Wesley loves his "cahs" and trucks and will entertain himself for hours just pushing them along the carpet, rolling them around in the kitchen, playing with them on the coffee table or entertainment cabinet. Here is a picture of the new acquistions: A cartoonish classic car, a Matchbox Camaro Concept car, and a CAT truck. He favors the Camaro - I know, I know, Matchbox cars are for children ages 3 and older, but I had a moment of weakness. Like father, like son (Adam loves Camaros)!


So, that's been our day thus far. The tiny man is down for a nap right now which is good for all of us in the house. I always look forward to nap time (we're down to one a day now). Its a good time for me to shower, sleep, or work on my Bible Study. I'm in a group study on Thursday mornings and we've been working on Beth Moore's Stepping Up: A Journey through the Psalms of Ascent. It has been very good, but I admit completing five days of homework each week can be a little tricky with a toddler in the house. I have never done a study on the Psalms before and I didn't realize that there were even Psalms of Ascent, but there are! Psalms 120-134 and they talk about the pilgrims journey to Jerusalem to celebrate the Three Great Feasts (Unleavened Bread, Weeks, and Tabernacles). I enjoy the depth that Beth goes to in her Bible Studies. She really digs into Scripture and pulls out things that I never would have seen in certain verses. It makes me really want to study the Bible more and I have to be careful because I sometimes think that I can be like Beth Moore when studying the Bible. I have to remember that she has a lot of resources to help her in her studies, and while I can have those same resources at my fingertips also, sometimes its just good to sit under someone and listen.
Since Wesley is napping right now, I'm going to take advantage of this time and go do something else that's productive!