for discretion's sake

The following story is true. Names have been changed to protect the innocent guilty.


I may have mentioned before that Mr. Baseball is the manager of a bank that happens to be inside a certain infamous super center that shall remain nameless. (Let me just say it's not even close to his dream job, but it pays the bills for now.) Fortunately the job is not without its - how shall I say this politely - "perks".

A woman (we'll call her "Miss Show-em-off") came into the bank yesterday with her 2 year-old daughter to open an account. One of Mr. Baseball's associates sat down at the desk and proceeded to help her. Since the bank is not large, Mr. Baseball could overhear the conversation and see exactly what was going on the whole time. He said that while Miss Show-em-off was seated, her little girl kept saying "Boob" and was attempting to get under her mother's shirt. Miss Show-em-off laughed it off and prevented her shirt from coming up over "the girls". Then, Miss Show-em-off told the bank associate, "She really wants the boob."

At this point, it is getting a little awkward, but you know toddlers, they'll do and say just about anything. Mr. Baseball is still watching from the sidelines, saying nothing. Then, Miss Show-em-off is finished at the desk and approaches the counter where Mr. Baseball is ready to cash her check and send her on her way with her money.

As he is counting out her bills, she (along with her daughter and the shopping cart) steps away from the counter. Mr. Baseball finishes counting the money and says, "Miss Show-em-off", you're all set."

Her response, "Oh, can you just bring it over here please?"

Mr. Baseball thought that was an odd request, but he obliged. As he gets over to Miss Show-em-off and her cart, he realizes a moment too late what she is doing. She totally has her shirt pulled up and is proceeding to lean forward and NURSE HER LITTLE GIRL WHILE THE CHILD IS SEATED IN THE SHOPPING CART!!!!

Yes, Mr. Baseball saw the boob and I am totally not happy about it.

According to another client of the bank, this is not an uncommon sight in this "super center".

Um.................I have never seen this with my own eyes and I'm there (*cough*) like every other day!

So, in efforts to avoid therapy and keep my marriage intact, I have decided to write Miss Show-em-off a letter to express my feelings about "the girls" showing up before my husband's very eyes.

Dear Miss Show-em-off,

First of all, let me say thank you for giving me some great blog fodder. You probably don't even know what that is, and will probably never read this post, but please know that I and my readers are grateful!

Now that that's out of the way, I have a few things thing to "get off my chest" (pun intended).

I totally didn't realize "the mart" had another eatery - a mobile breastaurant!

I am TOTAL proponent of nursing your children. I understand some women can't and/or don't want to, but I'm all for it. I for one, nursed my son for a year and had a wonderful experience.

HOWEVER, if I was ever in a public place when my child needed to nurse, I always did so with discretion (i.e. in a fitting room, restroom, or in a corner while covered with a blanket). Allow my friend, Mr. Webster to define the word "discretion" for you.

discretion - "The quality of showing good judgement; prudence (sensible in judgement)

So, as you can see, this definition is the exact opposite of what you did by raising your shirt in a public place and allowing everyone in "the mart of wall" to see your ta-tas, especially my husband, who unbeknownst to him, entered your personal space while the girls were just hangin' out.

Do you not see anything wrong with this picture?

Please, for the sake of your dignity/reputation and for the sake of the public at large, please save the ta-tas for a more discreet location. Its not like your daughter would starve if she didn't get "boob" right at that moment. The worst she might do is throw a temper tantrum and none of us have EVER been witness to one of those while in "the store" before.

And besides, the only breasts I want to see in "the store" are those of the chicken I'll be eating for dinner tonight.

Signed,

A Protective Wife

P.S. Pictured below is what you should wear the next time you go out in public and need to nurse your child.