the reason God invented caller id

Telemarketers. Most likely you have spoken with one at some point in your life. You know its a telemarketer because a) there is a long pause, after which you say hello four times, they launch into their schpiel (sp?), or b) they totally mispronounce your name at which point their cover is blown. Telemarketers usually call armed with some great offer to reduce your student loan payment, fit your home with new windows (tell them you're renting and they'll leave you alone), or tell you that because you own a Visa card, you are entered to win a sweepstakes.

The latter was the reason I received the telemarketing call to beat all telemarketing calls. She politely introduced herself and said the name of the company she worked for. It had to do something with reading, but as soon as I knew she was a telemarketer, my defenses were at the ready. The exchange went something like this...

Tele-witch: Hi, my name is Tele-witch and I am with "such and such" company. Because you possess a Visa card, you have been automatically entered to win a $50,000 sweepstakes.

Me: (in a sarcastic, annoyed tone)How do you know I have a Visa card?

Tele-witch: Its just what my notes here say. Anyway, you've been entered to win a $50,000 sweepstakes.

Me: I really don't want to be entered in a sweepstakes, I don't care about sweepstakes.

Tele-witch: Well...okay, but you are still elegible for three free magazine subscriptions for one year.

Okay, stop here for a second. Let me tell you what was going on in my life at this point. I was single and living in a different city in NC, commuting 40 minutes each way to work, and had just gotten a promotion to the Executive Director position of the non-profit I worked for (i.e. spent most of my time at work trying to figure out this new job and when I wasn't working, I was driving to and from work, and when I wasn't working or driving, I was eating or sleeping.). With that said..

Me: Three magazine subscriptions? I really don't read magazines.

TW: Well, surely there are things that you are interested in. For instance, I'm interested in gardening, history, etc.

Me: (she just upped the level of my annoyance - what part of I don't read magazines did she not understand?) That's great for you, but I really don't have time to read magazines right now.

TW: Everybody has time to read magazines or do something with their spare time. What do you like to do in your spare time?

Me: (At this point, I was getting really flustered and almost yelling at her) I do.... stuff. Look lady, I just got a new job and I really don't have time to read anything. And by the way, why am I telling you this? Its none of your business what I do or don't do with my spare time!

TW: (in an almost inaudible voice) ...you're a loser....(**click**).

Me: Hello? Hello? OH, NO SHE DI'INT!!!!!

At this point, I think I ran through the house screaming. I was hurt, no I was ANGRY that anyone would call me a loser, but a TELEMARKETER calling me a loser?!...OH, IT WAS ON! I tried to sift through the collection of furious, sinful thoughts in my head and find one that would be somewhat constructive and not land me in the slamma' with all the she-brutes.

I mashed re-dial, but the number was unavailable. *%&?! I tried to remember what the name of the company she said she worked for was. I thought I recalled it, but when I called information, there was no such company available. I was really veklempt in a not so good way by this point. I didn't have the presence of mind to search the internet for this company. I really wanted to talk to her supervisor and give him/her a piece of my mind about what that tele-witch had said to me. I wanted revenge. I never got it.

I figure, if she's still a telemarketer after all these years, then there's my revenge. I'm sorry- who did you call a loser?