an early and unexpected christmas gift that needs to be returned to the place from whence it came...and my prophetic gifting

We had a full weekend.

Friday night, the redhead and I ventured over to the retirement center our church founded for crafts and caroling with the residents. Later that night, as I was putting a sleepy redhead to bed, I started thinking about how thankful I was that he hadn't been sick - as in the stomach virus that's going around everywhere right now...

Saturday night I was singing in our church's Christmas cantata.

Sunday was of course more church, to be followed by an afternoon with my parents, sister, and brother-in-law - all coming to Sunday evening's Christmas cantata, which I was again singing in.

For lunch we fed the redhead one of the greatest comfort foods of all time - mac and cheese, along with some fruit to throw in something healthy and nestled him snug in his bed a few minutes after his meal.

He only slept MAYBE 30 minutes as opposed to his usual 2 hour nap. I was a little annoyed, but figured he was excited about seeing "Nona" and "Papa".

I ran out to do a little errand and came home to find Mr. Baseball with the redhead in the rocking chair. MB said the redhead had been crying, so he was just spending some quiet time with the boy. JUST as I was about to leave the room, the redhead started in on his schpiel of "ahh done" (all done). This proclamation was followed by not a trickle or a flow, but rather a CASCADE of vomit. I was so horrified I didn't know what to do. Mr. Baseball took the brunt of it, followed by the redhead's clothes, his books, rocking chair, and floor. I ran to get towels, grabbed the redhead (who was now sobbing hysterically), and took him to the bathroom. We got everything cleaned up and my redhead, bless his sweet little heart, kept repeating, "mess, mess, mess, mess...". Poor little dear was more worried about the mess than the fact that he had recieved some terrible stomach virus. We assured him that the mess could be cleaned up and I went to sit with him on the sofa to watch Noggin. A few minutes later, I called my parents (who were about an hour away at this point) to tell them that there was vomiting. The redhead was sitting with Mr. Baseball watching tv when all of a sudden...another round...and another change of clothes for Mr. Baseball and son.

My sister and her husband arrive to find a puny redhead snuggled up in my lap. At this point, I had managed (somehow) to avoid becoming the target. I needed to get some laundry in, so I said, "Mr. Baseball, will you take the redhead while I get some laundry started - and so he can throw up on you again?"

Redhead went to sit with daddy and a few minutes later...prophecy fulfilled.

Mr. Baseball changed clothes a grand total of 4 times yesterday - the redhead was changed 3 times and threw up a total of 6 times. He slept 12 hours last night without waking up and asked for juice this morning. I'm still a little on edge and trying not to eat too much just in case this Christmas "gift" decides to visit my innards. I, however, do not want this "gift" and will promptly return it. The only problem is...I don't know where it came from.

Fortunately for us, Wal-Mart will take anything back.

"Dr." Caroline will not be with us today as we don't want to give her this priceless "gift", but I could sure use her medical expertise as demonstrated here - I think she was "removing" the redhead's tonsils.

visitors in the night

The other night, I'm entrenched in New Moon. Adam is playing Atari. Yes, you read that right. Atari. I glance up long enough to check out his game and I notice a slight movement along our crown molding. My eyes move back to the book and quickly dart back to the crown molding in horror as I see the dreaded "WATERBUG" (also known as the Palmetto Bug). But whoever called this bug a WATERBUG in the first place a) has no understanding of water or b) was seriously hallucinating . This mess is a gigantic ROACH. Huge. Easily an inch and a half long. Easily.

These bugs are what I would call a superbug. They have supernatural power. They are superstealth, possessing the ability to appear out of NOWHERE, catching one completely off guard. They also have the power to evoke from whoever is lucky enough to discover them, a scream so bloodcurdling it could raise the dead.

As soon as I laid eyes on this "thing", my muscles locked. I was frozen. I lacked all power of pest-control. Mr. Baseball followed my gaze to the "thing" on our wall and made his move to dispatch of it quickly. He emerged from the bathroom with a plastic bag.

I immediately noticed his weapon of choice being vastly different from the usual plastic cup. I frowned at him and asked, "What do you plan to do with that?"

He proceeds to close in on the waterbug, but as soon as the plastic crinkled that bug took off. Oh, I don't mean he scurried along the molding. Oh no. That would have been acceptable, even normal for a large bug, but no...

this bug FLEW!!!

Yes, he flew off the wall toward the bed. I was numb with panic. As he disappeared from my line of vision momentarily, I contemplated my next move. I would have gone straight to the couch for the night, knowing that there was a giant FLYING roach in my bed. As I gathered myself, I realized that Mr. Baseball had found the bug again crawling along the floor. He attempted three more times to trap the bug with the plastic bag, finally catching him along the floor, amputating one of the bug's legs on the way.

I relaxed, quickly sinking back into New Moon...until I had to go to the bathroom. Agh!

As I rounded the corner into the bathroom I saw this...



I give you the Camel Cricket. I truly don't know which is worse, waterbug or camel cricket. I think they tie for the world's nastiest of nasties. In my bugged-out opinion, the Camel Cricket is also a superbug. Not only is it hideously ugly, but it also appears out of nowhere and this mother can JUMP like nobody's bid'ness. The bigger they are the higher they jump.

As soon as I saw it sitting down by the baseboard, I called for pest-control in the form of Mr. Baseball. If he had not been here, I could have killed these two critters myself, but why waste a perfectly good bug killer when he's available? Mr. Baseball went a different route this time, grabbing up several lengths of toilet paper and going in for the kill. We did spare the Camel Cricket the misery of going to the landfill and gave him a proper burial at sea instead.


And all you Twilight fans will be pleased to know that nothing kept me from New Moon and I finished it that night, superbugs and all.