Finding Rest and Laughter

I don't think I've EVER let almost a week pass by between posts! I have a good excuse though, I was on a retreat from Thursday night until late Sunday night. Yesterday, I had to emerge back to the real world after a lack of sleep and very long days, not to mention a toddler who didn't sleep well and has a runny nose. I feel much better this morning after having gone to bed before 10 and sleeping until almost 8! Aaaahhh.

Before I left for the retreat, I felt like life was just getting away from me and it was all I could do just to keep up. I felt like I couldn't keep up with the housework (I know there's always going to be something to do), I wasn't planning my days well, my quiet times had just become catch up times for the 2 Bible studies (each with 5 days of homework!), and I wasn't really sitting in God's presence to listen, I would just come to "do" the necessary work and then duck out to run to another important duty.

Thursday night while on the retreat, I got ready for bed and then sat down to write in my journal. I began to put on paper all of the crazy thoughts that were coursing through my mind. After a page I thought, "Heck, I'll never be able to write all this down, I'll just pray about it and bring it to God that way." I began to pray, but my mind was racing. I opened my eyes and saw a verse printed at the bottom of my journal's page.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7

Coincidence? I think NOT! At that point, I said, "Okay Lord, help me to be still and wait patiently on You."

I didn't sleep well that night because my mind was still racing, and the next day I felt anxious, like a knot was inside my stomach. I went through the day feeling like this. Was I missing God? I wasn't getting emotional like some of the other ladies, was I don't something wrong? I thought I knew what God wanted to work on over this weekend, but I just wasn't seeing it. Where was God?

Friday night we had prayer time in the chapel and we were invited to stay and pray alone or with one of the clergy. I met with a wonderful lady who assured me that just as God had created me unique, He knew how exactly He wanted to show Himself to me. She prayed with me that my anxiety would be gone in the morning and I would just "wait patiently for Him" without anticipating anything.

Saturday morning came with a great peace. I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was able to go through the rest of the weekend just waiting on God. I feel like God just wanted me to get to a place of rest where I could come to Him and not expect Him, but just wait on Him.
I also discovered that crazy Caroline who does all the sound effects, voices, and stupid dance moves is still a part of me, but has been buried underneath the responsibilities of wife and mother. I had SOOOOOOOO much fun just cutting loose and being crazy. I met many wonderful ladies who appreciated and encouraged my sense of humor and got crazy alongside me. I also learned a new term from my friend Nicole that probably shouldn't be shared in this venue (some might think its a little gross)! She is hilarious. I also learned a great little song about Jesus from her.

As I process what I learned, I'll share more, but what I got were two blessings that I wasn't expecting to find when I got there on Thursday.