do you mind if i ask what you were smoking at the time?

Dear Jessica Alba,

While I don't consider myself big fan of yours, I've seen some of your work and I'll give you your props. I mean, acting isn't just a walk in the park I hear. And being in the media spotlight can't be all that fun either, what with cameras stuck in your face, rumors being spread about you, and kamikaze paparazzi stalking your every move.

You may not think you have a lot in common with me, but actually you do. For starters, we're both married and we both have cash - only yours is in the form of your real husband and millions in your bank account, and mine, well, let's just say I'm hard up to scrape together 4 quarters for the Sunday paper.

We are also both mothers and have both birthed children without surgical intervention. I know that each woman has her own birthing story special to her - some go without drugs, other choose them, some don't push for long, some push for hours, etc. However, most women do get to experience contractions, whether pitocin induced (like mine) or natural and this is wherein my issue with you lies.

I have already outed myself as a celebrity gossip devotee so that's neither here nor there. As I was reading People.com this morning, I saw a statement that intrigued me...

"What wasn't so tough for the Fantastic Four star? Surprisingly, childbirth itself." "Contractions aren't that bad," she (Alba) says. "If you've ever had bad cramps? That's what they're like. But that moment when they put the baby on your chest – that's deep. It's a deep experience."


Dear heart, I have had some bad cramps. Some really bad cramps. The "curl up in a ball I have taken seven million alleve and they didn't work so shoot me right now" kind of cramps. Lemme tell ya', they in no way touched childbirth contractions - and mine were pitocin induced with no drugs. My back was wracked with a mind-numbing pain and with each contraction I couldn't move. I felt nauseous, I got chills, I wanted to quit and I have an extremely high pain tolerance. I am no quitter.


Bad cramps my a**!


But you, you had to have been on something to say that contractions weren't that bad. Yep. That's the conclusion I'm coming to. But in the end, we both had the same result. We both had healthy babies and got to experience that deep moment where we looked into our babies eyes and knew that we were made for motherhood.



Best wishes with little Honor Marie. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother.


Sincerely,
Caroline